Money can't buy happiness.

That's a lot of high class prostitutes right there.

Like fuck it cant. I have to say this was obviously stated by firstly.

A.)   A woman, because only something with a vagina could say something so outrageously wrong, I bet she wasn’t even in the kitchen when she said it. 

B.)    A woman who was not ridiculously rich.

And by saying this tries to make herself believe:

-She is happy with her abrasive toilet roll when she could have Aloe Vera licking up and down her overweight ass.

-She is happy with her small TV when she could be immersed in full on HD 3D lesbian porn with surround sound. (Just put an open can of tuna on the radiator while doing this and its like you are actually there).

-She is happy with her monobrow, sagging tits and thighs that chaff, when she could have a personal trainer, a beauty team and a high-grade surgeon.

-She can go on Holiday yet remain in the same country. No, no you cant that’s a trip, and a fucking lame one at that. Go fucking tear it up in Amsterdam or Vegas, go get a whole fucking team of strippers and midgets to follow you around all day clapping you when you take a shot, hi fiving you while you're pelvis deep in a Russian whore, and spanking you as you brush your teeth, that’s a fucking holiday.

-She can be happy with her lack of possessions. Hell no, I’m buying a fucking country and naming it “Suck my dick” so when people go there, they are going to Suck my dick. And the country I bought next door is called “Swallow and not complain”.

Hell, whoever said money can't buy happiness never looked into how much a giant slide going into a ball pit filled with weed costs. I am actually going to take this one step further and construct my own 7-floor bong in my 7-floor house with its own elevator and each floor button granting you a bong hit. The 7^th floor will just be called “Welcome to the Fucking Bong-O-Sphere Bitch”.

Jesus would have wanted it.

Now some people will argue with all this money you will distance yourself from real society and life and become completely absorbed in yourself and not care for others. Firstly, fuck you.  Secondly, I’m going on holiday ALL the fucking time, I’m going to every society and culture you can think of. I’m going to learn all kinds of shit, I’m going to do all kinds of shit. Then I’m going to give shit away, I’m going to go out there face to face with poverty stricken people and change their lives. Because I find in happiness in helping people and changing their lives for the better, I like to see everyone in any poverty stricken or third world country have clean water, food and education. And I’m going to think about the change I made to world as I’m doing a tequila shots off every single Victoria Secret Model.

Have you ever seen someone looking sad as they jet off into space to their space built party mansion in a spaceship shaped as Heidi Klum? No, no you haven’t and you never will because it is actually scientifically proven to be sad in that specific situation.

Have you ever seen someone looking sad as they arrive to a party riding a white stallion that has been fashioned with angel wings bearing a wingspan of 20 metres? No. You cant physically be unhappy with your life at that moment in time.

My fucking vehicle.

However despite my undeniable argument, people will still claim Love is the only way to happiness. Now the chance of finding your ‘Soulmate’ without leaving your own country is maybe 1 in never. However if I’m spreading my seeds worldwide I have no doubt, no doubt at all, I will find someone that is essentially Aphrodite but with a better sense of humour.

So don’t say stupid shit.