Whilst in Amsterdam, my travelling partner (Rhod) and myself encountered some very charming American chaps, this was to be the beginning of the most influential peer pressure of my life. After smoking 2 joints with the self acclaimed connoisseurs of the sweet mary jane, the americans (quite easily) convinced us that Magic mushrooms combined with House of Bols was the ultimate day out.
"you have to do it, it's the ultimate day out!" USA
This comment was one of many they said that night, I heard a lot but responded to little as I was silenced by the weed...
******
The next morning was welcomed with excitement, stirred up with anxiety and peppered with black spots of the night previous. Rhod and I had committed to one thing, and that was to rent bikes and we did; the bikes allowed us to take in all of Amsterdam's sights, sounds and culture.
It was not long before we saw what could only be described as the "dutch delicatessen" in the shop window, it wasn't Anne Franks diary or even a snipping of her hair. It was a little takeaway box with truffles of magic inside. We made the transaction, and pursued the rest of our adventure.
Upon arrival at the museum, we were nervous, but the best thing about having peers is that you copy each other, I sampled a small bite, as did my partner, we both pulled faces of absolute disgust.
One of the black spots cleared... "make sure you have them with food because they taste like shit!"
Rhod and I browsed the local outlets, and what better than waffles and ice-cream dusted with mushrooms. These were quickly consumed ... and now we wait.
In the half an hour that passed we looked at the Van Gough museum, but felt it wasn't worth the price. Still no effect. Upon entering the House of Bols still no effect, but little were we to know that the next 12 hours of our lives were going to be as far-fetched as they were.
The House of Bols was interesting to a normal mushroom free human being (would take approx 20 mins to go round the whole place), but when you have a super power it takes minimum 2 hours plus one hour looking at the brass pipes at the end.
"if you just look, you can see so much"
I was regularly tricked by the optical illusion (art) that lay on the walls, after finding 10mm x 10mm president lincoln imprinted on those darn brass pipes it was time to leave.....
TO BE CONTINUED...
I'm not going to lie about it, the House of Bols was a 2 hour long mindfuck. Within 10 minutes I was suffering from a nosebleed due to placing scented tubes that far up my nose. Despite the constant confusion, laughter and delight it was not until the finale that shit got real. The final room contained a collection of brass pipes and bowls, Dan and I really took to this room. One bowl in particular had caught my eye, therefore it was only sensible to stare directly at it for 40 minutes. This is the bowl that i did indeed see Abraham Lincoln in, looking at me in all his glory. I did in fact draw his face (only in straight vertical lines, no explanation) but at least we have evidence of my vision.
How Rhod spent his ride: The entire journey was hell, the cobbles, which were fucking everywhere by the way, were shaking my bike, my handlebar grip was constantly being questioned, no matter what I did the cobbles were fucking with me. Then to make things more fun, fucking cars were fucking with me. Never drive within 20 metres of a man riding a bike on cobbles when he has taken mushrooms, never, you sick Dutch motherfuckers!! So as I am getting metaphorically raped with fear of death by constantly avoiding cars, obstacles and still trying to remember the road back I am tormented by the ridiculously loud laughter of Dan behind me.
How Dan spent his ride: Fucking laughing. That's all he did, I was trying to keep my shit together at the front, arguably like a little crying bitch, yet Dan found the whole experience inexplicably funny. I can still here his manly giggles now. (I often think of these giggles while pelvis deep in vagina).
We arrive back at the hostel and begin to lock our bikes back up, it only takes me a mere 5 minutes or so (yes that is a fairly embarrassing time). However Dan takes all the glory here as he racks up 30 minutes of trying to chain his bike up. He calls for help several times but I am still worried about the cobbles and I just cant deal with that shit right now, so instead I wait patiently at the door, 5 metres away from Dan for the whole duration.
Now you're probably thinking, did they just go to bed? What happened next?! Can I have a threesome with these guys?? Can I at least suck their dicks for 35 minutes and not neglect the balls? Well I will tell you what happened next. This may change the way you look at hatch windows so prepare yourself. Dan and I arrive back into our rooms to meet our two new male room mates from Australia sharing the other bunk bed in the room. After quickly introducing ourselves I declare to the room I need to take a shit.
Rhod: "I NEED TO TAKE A SHIT."
And this is what I do. No not in the toilet, the toilet is for mere mortals! I survey the room and find a sturdy hatch window that opens into our room just above average anus height. I open the window and perch myself just above this window pane, Dan begins laughing while the two Australians just stare blankly at me, wondering if I was recently released from a care home. They begin questioning my judgement.
Australia: Dude, you're not going to actually do this are you? Dude don't shit on our window, what have you guys taken?!
Well fuck you Australia, I would shit on a kangaroo if I had one. I drop the bomb, thankfully a solid pint full onto the window, I lower myself down and slam the window shut letting my evidence fly into the street and rest there until morning.
It is at this point the Australians begin ringing their friends from home exclaiming how one of their room mates just took a shit on their window. Dan has now turned his laughter into tears of happiness at my bowel movements. However that does not last long as soon after, while in bed, he begins believing his socks are attacking him and have grown into full on rape socks.
The morale of the story: Stay in School kids. But when you leave FSU and take mushrooms.
I'm not going to lie about it, the House of Bols was a 2 hour long mindfuck. Within 10 minutes I was suffering from a nosebleed due to placing scented tubes that far up my nose. Despite the constant confusion, laughter and delight it was not until the finale that shit got real. The final room contained a collection of brass pipes and bowls, Dan and I really took to this room. One bowl in particular had caught my eye, therefore it was only sensible to stare directly at it for 40 minutes. This is the bowl that i did indeed see Abraham Lincoln in, looking at me in all his glory. I did in fact draw his face (only in straight vertical lines, no explanation) but at least we have evidence of my vision.
 |
| "I will fuck you in the mind" |
On leaving things turned from happiness to near death, the kind of fear that makes you want to shit yourself and then hide in that shit. Dan and I unlocked our bikes, not an easy task when deeply shroomed, we then began the 15 minute ride back to our hostel. This is how shit went down.
How Rhod spent his ride: The entire journey was hell, the cobbles, which were fucking everywhere by the way, were shaking my bike, my handlebar grip was constantly being questioned, no matter what I did the cobbles were fucking with me. Then to make things more fun, fucking cars were fucking with me. Never drive within 20 metres of a man riding a bike on cobbles when he has taken mushrooms, never, you sick Dutch motherfuckers!! So as I am getting metaphorically raped with fear of death by constantly avoiding cars, obstacles and still trying to remember the road back I am tormented by the ridiculously loud laughter of Dan behind me.
How Dan spent his ride: Fucking laughing. That's all he did, I was trying to keep my shit together at the front, arguably like a little crying bitch, yet Dan found the whole experience inexplicably funny. I can still here his manly giggles now. (I often think of these giggles while pelvis deep in vagina).
We arrive back at the hostel and begin to lock our bikes back up, it only takes me a mere 5 minutes or so (yes that is a fairly embarrassing time). However Dan takes all the glory here as he racks up 30 minutes of trying to chain his bike up. He calls for help several times but I am still worried about the cobbles and I just cant deal with that shit right now, so instead I wait patiently at the door, 5 metres away from Dan for the whole duration.
Now you're probably thinking, did they just go to bed? What happened next?! Can I have a threesome with these guys?? Can I at least suck their dicks for 35 minutes and not neglect the balls? Well I will tell you what happened next. This may change the way you look at hatch windows so prepare yourself. Dan and I arrive back into our rooms to meet our two new male room mates from Australia sharing the other bunk bed in the room. After quickly introducing ourselves I declare to the room I need to take a shit.
Rhod: "I NEED TO TAKE A SHIT."
And this is what I do. No not in the toilet, the toilet is for mere mortals! I survey the room and find a sturdy hatch window that opens into our room just above average anus height. I open the window and perch myself just above this window pane, Dan begins laughing while the two Australians just stare blankly at me, wondering if I was recently released from a care home. They begin questioning my judgement.
Australia: Dude, you're not going to actually do this are you? Dude don't shit on our window, what have you guys taken?!
Well fuck you Australia, I would shit on a kangaroo if I had one. I drop the bomb, thankfully a solid pint full onto the window, I lower myself down and slam the window shut letting my evidence fly into the street and rest there until morning.
It is at this point the Australians begin ringing their friends from home exclaiming how one of their room mates just took a shit on their window. Dan has now turned his laughter into tears of happiness at my bowel movements. However that does not last long as soon after, while in bed, he begins believing his socks are attacking him and have grown into full on rape socks.
The morale of the story: Stay in School kids. But when you leave FSU and take mushrooms.
No comments:
Post a Comment