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| Beware! Sexual predator on the loose! |
With old people, puppies and beaten children awaiting their fate at christmas, there is little to do but pray, get horrendously drunk and FSU.
The challenge that is set by the government to drink and drive in the winter months is only fueled further by the bitterly cold weather. These adverts that I speak of make me want to prove to everyone that ice, snow and alcohol should not be feared. We all have places to go when we are drunk, im talking Burger King, Kens Fried Chicken, King Kebab and more likely Ingram's House to binge eat out of his larder.
Alternatively, if you are in a city it is often more difficult to drive, especially when you frequently believe chasing greased up christmas elves (children) down the street is a popular past time. With this method ,the beer jacket will treat you kindly; when short on cash why not ride your bicycle to you favourite drinking destination, giving you the ability to cycle home when done. There can be risk of falling off and damaging parts of yourself and your bike, this set back should not be realised untill the morning due to the numbing pain of the alcohol.
Jesus once said "Get born and get loads of random shit you don't really want, then sell sell sell on ebay!"
God replied "Ride On!"
And this is why we have Christmas, its about praising Christ's relentless ability to turn a Simpsons Mug in to £3.49 and an oversized jumper with the solar system on it in to £11.72 and 12 bottles of Evian Water into £12.00 which is probably enough to buy a shit load of cheap wine. His skills have been read by hundreds of 10's around the world. Some have questioned his miracles, and even his existence; yet every year millions drink and drive in celebration of the baby hairless super hero, jesus.
But the real lesson here is not to fall asleep in JD Wilson's (available on facebook) bed after a Christmas binge because he will turn you black. JIZZY CHRIZZY EVERYONE!
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| Justin 'blackish' Friend (also available on FB) |
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