Clarity.

Clarity can be defined as this:

The quality of coherence and intelligibility

How does one gain such a state of mind? Good question. You are a great student. And to this question, there is only one answer. Masturbation.

Have you ever experience those moments when your vision is clouded by your sex drive? When you are debating whether to have sexual intercourse with the hooker you are now laying on a dirty bed with? Or when you are trying to accomplish a simple task such as driving, revising or even breathing but your head is full of cumshots, blowjobs, gagging and borderline rape imagery? Then masturbate.

“Only through the action of emptying your balls will you empty your mind.”-Rhodri Thomas. 2011. Post-aggressive masturbation session.

Next time you are shaving your ball-fro in preparation for some dirty sex with say a 6 out of 10 female. Look yourself in the mirror, look at your dick, look at your half shaven pubic region, the “chemo” stage as I call it. Now start masturbating, furiously. Slap some baby oil on there and have a good time. Now look once more in the mirror and ask yourself, do I really want to do this? Is my dick not worth more than that 6 out of 10 whore? The chances are you will reconsider and your dick will thank you.

Optimum masturbation times:

• As soon as you wake up. Start knocking one out and you will have clear thoughts all day, plus clean up is easy, as you have to shower anyway.
• Mid-beer pong game as a distraction.
• When you are considering whether to booty call the weird girl who has a dangerous amount of mutual friends on Facebook.
• Before a family event, as to avoid inbreeding.
• On a rollercoaster.
• At any time you can’t find sellotape.
• At a sperm bank.

Worst masturbation times: 

• Funerals.
• Nurseries.
• At the funeral of a child.
• While teaching children sports.
• At court when defending your case for masturbating while teaching children sports.
• Christenings.
• At church in general.
• In a mosque.
• Onto a mosque.
• On request of your father, who is holding a video camera.

Don't fight it. Don't be a hero.

Happy Masturbating!