What will stop you from having genital friction with the opposite sex?

From the day man was born, he alone would pursue intercourse for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Although we are a little more refined and generally do it as many times as our alcohol induced bodies will last before becoming fatigued, it is still an important part of our lives.

Here is a list summarising events in which the wish for genital friction has beaten the variables surrounding us.

-Getting home and finding the girl does NOT actually have a key, thus having to climb an 8ft wall and help her over the obstacle.

-Wetting the bed.

-Having sex on top bunk whilst travel companion listens below. (12 other patriots of the hostel also in the room)

-Thumbing-A-Floppy:~ the act of being so drunk that your sexual organ will not function, only one thing can be done to rectify the situation, HELLO THUMB!
-A variation of Thumding-A-Floppy~This occurs when you are so drunk you do not realise the fullness of your bladder is actually constricting blood flow to your man sword and only after releasing litres of urine can you continue.

-Your girl falling asleep, you may question it but there is only one answer, continue with your quest!

This theory works with animals too. 

-When her legs are sealed tight, release them with your immortal strength using the reverse vice grip technique (inspired by a friend)

-Continuing your adventure to the big pit (coal mine in Wales) after a pump from the front bottom.
-An aggressive night of diarrhoea and vomiting never ends the magic.
-Hearing the age of your lover.
-While in the depths of ferocious love, the curtain she is holding breaks leaving the scene looking like you are raping an eldery asian lady.
-When you have already slept with 2 girls previously that day. The desire for a hat trick is in every man.
- If they looked like an extra from Lord of the Rings, but it's okay because at the time you thought it was Sophia Bush. (And even took photographic evidence of this)
- When they don't speak english, this makes your hands even more important.
-When half way through they tell you they are engaged. Don't listen to mind games!!
-When you can't tell your deaf lover to be quiet whilst your grandmother with perfectly good hearing is asleep in the next room.

These are just a number of situations in which man has beaten the environment, survival of the fittest! The evolution of man is solely down to the commitment of every males sexual addiction fuelled with testosterone. Thank you Charles Darwin.